Gratitude

My friends went on a 30-hour famine awareness rally this weekend. It made me realise again how much I have and how little other people do without.

But something nags at the back of my mind every time I hear the word "gratitude" or someone tells me I ought to be more thankful for what I have. I understand that I should complain less, but to be more thankful...that's just too risky.

Perhaps it's just me, or perhaps it's a common TCK (Third Culture Kid) fear. Perhaps it's just a reaction to having lost so much growing up. Perhaps it's all of these. Perhaps it isn't.

But to a TCK, being thankful, is a hard concept to come to terms with. In my case, the last time I remember being truly content and peaceful and grateful for the way my life was, was the time my life ceased to be peaceful and predictable.

The last time I remember being grateful for someone close to me, I had to say goodbye as we parted ways. The last time I remember being happy for my nice apartment, I moved away. The last time I remember being happy for my friends, I had to leave them indefinitely.

So you can understand why I might be wary of being "grateful" for anything, at least out loud. I will say I'm grateful, but I will try to keep it as general as possible, for who can tell when the next person I am thankful for, will be the next person I have to say goodbye to. Who knows if the next country I am grateful to live in, will be the next country I have to leave. Who can tell me that the next happy time in my life that I am thankful for, won't be the next time tragedy strikes?

So this word gratitude...it's not that I am ungrateful. I am thankful for every happy memory, every new culture, every new friend and every exciting adventure I have experienced. I guess that means I'm grateful for you. Just please, don't be the next person to leave.